South Africa - Mozambique Border Crossing

SA – MOZAMBIQUE BORDER CROSSING – 09 JUNE
Just prior to the border is a large BP station with forecourt full of various shops and roadside entry blocked with dozens of money sellers keen for currency exchange. Off to the left of the pumps is a small tin-roofed shed housing Global Alliance; in it, Henry will sort you out for 3rd party insurance prior to hitting the border and, being a bit of a fixer, is available for any other requirements you may have – he also has a colleague there from the Moz side who can accompany you through both sides of the border, translate documents and just generally smooth the way through for about 100 Rand (negotiated and paid on successful clearance of the Moz side). We agreed on all services, as well as Henry’s choice of money seller picked out from the crowd, a large matronly woman in a huge flowered ‘best for church’ hat who bustled into the already crowded shed and pulled out a six-inch wad of notes kept safely stashed within the vaults of her (ample) bosom, offered at an exchange rate 2 points better than the Bureau de Change (4.3 versus 4.1). That sorted we were off in convoy, us in the lead followed closely by the Church Lady driving the Moz fixer, as we’d no room for a passenger and he’d no car but was certainly not losing the business for it.
Then things got interesting.
The SA side was packed, heaving with a mix of aggro’d holidayers (in the minority) frustrated with the delays and traders who crossed the border daily to purchase cheaper SA goods for mark-up and sale on the other side trying any angle to dodge the queues and get moving through quickly (I “Oi, get back in here, we all wait in the same line”’d one young guy who made a dash under the barrier behind me to get to an open kiosk faster than the head of the queue could react ... To his credit he did reverse but I now had Mr Surly behind me for the next 30 minutes ...). The system (seems wherever you go and whatever the circumstances it’s always the fault of ‘the system’) was running slow “but scheduled to be upgraded soon” and it took about an hour total to get the entry pass stamped (first queue) then passport stamped for exit (queue two). Then we went to get our VAT refund outside and it all went to hell in a handbasket for the next six hours ...
The process: have agent lounging about outside the office (really a trailer) take receipts and go through each line by line to ascertain what is and is not eligible for a refund, then calculate how listed VAT is summarily affected (our Macro receipt alone was about 4 feet long ...). Realize we are owed more than 3000 Rand and the border office cannot process such receipts. Do u-turn in border car queue (despite now being stamped out of country) and head for airport for commercial customs clearance centre some 30 minutes back down highway. Have agent there go through each receipt line by line (again) to ascertain what is and is not eligible for a refund, then calculate how listed VAT is summarily affected. Get receipts stamped and return to border. Have same original agent still lounging about outside the office take now stamped and duly-authorized receipts and go through each line by line (again again) to ascertain what is and is not eligible for a refund, then calculate how listed VAT is summarily affected. Discuss in detail. Agree on total eligibility and join queue at office for payment processing. Wait. Finally get to one of only 2 out of 6 kiosks operating and have agent there go through each receipt line by line (again again again) to ascertain what is and is not eligible for a refund, then calculate how listed VAT is summarily affected. Have them photocopy passport and applicable credit card used for any purchases (ensure to insist on crossing out all visible numbers of card save for final 4). Get cheque issued for very small amount purchased on Clare’s card, which we are informed can – now this is very helpful – be deposited and paid out at the local bank back in town (process seems to have lost focus that at this stage recipient is out of SA and heading into Moz, not having day’s outing for fun at border ...). Have agent say I must return in 2-3 weeks to pick up cheque as it exceeds amount they can issue (again, that above 3000 Rand rule appears, but in a new context ...). Inform agent you will probably be in Zambia in 2-3 weeks time and, as obvious from passports she is holding, you are not South African so would have no intention of returning there to pick up cheque that should be issued on the spot. Have agent leave desk to confer with all other agents in room – all work now ceasing – and stall queue behind for further 10 minutes making you Most Hated Man at South African Border for those who clutch one single, simple receipt behind you, not wad of two dozen obviously problematic ones as you have handed across an hour before. Have women in queue 15 places behind you – but directly behind due to snake of ropes – burst into tears on mobile phone, obviously explaining why it is taking her so long to a very unsympathetic authoritarian figure on other end of call. Agree to solution – and only solution - with agent that cheque will be posted to UK address once processed; provide address on small slip of paper and lay poor odds it actually gets somehow connected to stack of receipts. Lose possession of all receipts and therefore record of all purchases as they must be held by VAT office for cheque to be issued and are never returned, making re-sale, warranty’s, etc, a bit of an issue (issue for future confrontation). Depart deflated by process yet giddy with victory over bureaucracy. Approach Mozambique border six hours off initial timings and without fixer who has given up and left. And in the dark, of course ...